Poetry sunday…

Phantom Limb

[Part 1]

“I hope you always find a reason to smile.”~ you said. Casually
“Your Smile, is always reason enough.”~ without catching my breath even for a secind, to process my thoughts, i said.

Did you know?
This right here was the moment in a day when i gave me to you?
The moment i let my guard down and let your heart lead?
The moment i grabbed your hand and ran with you to whichever ends of the universe?
Know or unknown?
The moment i trusted your heart to cuddle mine?

But did i know?
That; that was all just a strategy for you
to have me smile at the nibble of nature in my tummmy, down my navel
The jelly on my knees from the beating of a weak heart
To name you alpha
My trust in you, My weakness.
Your bull’s eye.

You deemed the lights in me
Turned my days darker, not even with the mercy of a single star
You said you were gonna show me,~
Your love for me insantiable
But yes, showed me you did, each day
Your loath for me immeasurable

Your words in my head, but knives to my heart
Cutting an inch deeper with each thought
A perpetual act of my daily pillow talk
Without you, still, an inch deeper, they cut
For you curved them so strategically with such skill
I can never erase
Like phantom limb i am psychologically bound to your existance
I look around you arent there but i can feel you.
You are everywhere. Close.
But its Your words in my head…

Why would you not build a sand castle instead?
For there would be hope of a better day when the sea rises with higher tides….
The waves would wash me clean
And maybe this time i could catch my breath, and process my thoughts….
For the day you come back so i can tell you,
“When i fall, i too crush.”
“When i scratch, i too bleed.”
“When i hurt, i too cry.”
Did you know?
” i too, am human. And knowing that, is the reason i smile. Now.”
And smile.

So, When you start to miss me, remember i did not leave, you let me go…

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Romantic Maturity👫

Romantic maturity…. 

So… some time ago I went to see a doctor🏨You do know how the wise and gold-(as they would like to call themselves🙈 well I have a better word for them🙊)- would say,”there is always something good out of the bad…like, it can’t be all bad…” well I think they actually did get this one right.. So, what was i saying before I started banging on about the old and wise😲 again? Ohh, doctor!! 💉💊💸 well that’s what comes to mind the second someone mentions doctor…needles, tablets and getting very very skin, amean damn those people can Chao your chinchin yho🙅🙅 #salute.

In any case; this doctor I met was a different kindda doctor. He is an artist, poet to be specific and very particular about details👌👌 amean the type to go all ninja on you (like literally cause we talking about martial arts trainer here mate💪💪) just for double spacing where you shouldn’t and missalignment of words..stuff like that🙆he is a lovely sight I tell you👌. So we kicked off as though old friends in an encient movie, thank heavens for small mercies of common language especially in a foreign land where everyone spits out a lot of shishishi🙊,well they do jam it up with a bit of chichi_s🙈 here and there😂😂 well, don’t shoot🔫me for telling my site of the trauma,tu🙏😕 OK so we talked about favourite poets and poems,emotional connections and relationships💑… the diff-action between sex, love, friendship, emotions assertiveness and awareness, self confidence, healing🔘…and right on that he went all wise and gold on me saying old niches like” Everything heals with time..”. And i was there like “dah! I belive in the old niche as well that time is an amazing equaliser and so with time the good out weigh the bad and if you stick it out a bi’ you might live another day and love it…” 😂😂 show off, you would say, I know✋ cause I felt it.

Now listen here for a minute please.🙏 Before I went all bonkers and started logorrhearing (you wondering what that means right??😎) well cause I am nice, ama spill a bit… So I have or had maybe 😞😞 not proper sure hey? But yeah, I “?” a mate once whom we could talk for hours and hours without actually catching a breath😊 He made me happy😀, smile😊😂…thinking back at our conversations I would swear we had to be declared mental and locked up already 😂😂. Once we were talking about mania and depression and started talking about classical conditioning and ended up giving each other names like; “Cuckoo and Weird”🙈 well I think we had a friendship honey moon phase there for a bi’ and Ahh well..the rest is history…well, the other typpa of history💔!! You got it? ?😂 OK so logorrhearing! We used to make up words. Like a lot of words for different things and logorrhearing is like a version of “verbal diarrhoea”.This is explained as “talking too much and for a long time” derived form two words logo… and diarrhoea… catching up now?? (Although this is a word we still believed we made it upossible as we were tranna find one word for “verbal diarrhoea” which is what was OUR case🙈) 😂😂like i said, bonkers💆but free💃💃I love free💖 So in all this conversations with my doctor(well all am planning to keep him on retainer now😎).

I learnt about how much art opens up our minds over again. He said something very beautiful and said; ” there is a difference between ROMANTIC💏 MATURITY and ROMANTIC💑 IMMATURITY”…

Now my brains were in bits😳😵🙆…scattered all over my thick skull💀 seeking for words🔠 to put together so as to understand this statement; not to my level of IQ but his. Guess what? I still needed him to spit it out.. the beauty of sitting right across someone with a beautiful mind and brilliant reasoning ability is that you are always waiting for the next thing thats gonna come out of their mouths like that cup of coffee ☕ or that shot of ecstasy💉 (well if that’s your sort of high). Well i dont know why people even need drugs 💊💉while even conversations can give you such a high🎡that’s in itself is orgasmic💯%. It’s what I live for❤💖

Then he explains is the typpa conversation which in itself says to the wife:

“Yes I am hurting babe 💔💔but i do understand that you are too because you can’t hurt💘 someone you love and not be mad at yourself now can you? But we are in a relationship💑 here which means we share 👫everything. Even in times ⏰like this, each one might have had a part to play so, lets unpack this and resolve it🙏👊…” benefit of the doubt kindda thing oy?😊😊

While romantic immaturity does the opposite. You go out there scream 😥🔊from the top of your Lungs how much your wife is a dog🐕and “slut”. A slapper that every man should just pull blah blah blah… then months later you realise you still love her and do get back together💑 with the very same Slut🙊🙈that you have denounced to the entire world. Now what does that make you? An utter idiot and retard really, ’cause no normal and wise would run straight into a wall with both eyes wide open👀absolutely NOT!… (well it was you who proclaimed her a wall and cancerous, right?  So don’t look at me that way when I call her such…😎)

So you see how maturity 🆚 immaturity work??

Right now, you might be thinking that mature lad is raiving bonkers💊💉… who would do that?? How desperate can a man get to finally be in that position…right?
But thing is, every decision we make comes back at us at some point in our lives one way or the other.  Now question is, “how calculated is your decision today? Is it today and now focused or tomorrow and forever focused?”💆💝
Remenham our talk about Will over Emotions when diving into decisions? If you forgot, go back to that post on Queens and First ladies and remind yourself because this is also that time where you consider such…

Ok let’s just say you can ask yourself  this; “are there kids involved? How would my behaviour/reaction/actions from this point on affect them? Their lives today or tomorrow? She is also a human being; your partner that is, how do I feel about tarnishing her self esteem and denigrating her worth? How would I feel had it been me??” 🙆have a look into your soul for a minut because trust me; Some self reflection and selfless acts can safe both you and your loved ones a lot of greive and give you some inner peace…”

Maturity  my guy. Emotional and relationship maturity💪💪  haha.
And am here sweating like… dude why would you say this to me right now?? I mean… you should have told me this some time ago before I started 🔫🔫 (🙈🙈) so many bullets and granites💣💣 at this guy I really really liked when he started acting like a real twart🙊🙉🙈😂😂

Oops!!🙈🙊 I said it🙈

Wait a minute😑😑… I didn’t denounced him or anything, I just hated 👹loving him and so eventually I just didn’t love ❤him any more hahahaha. Ok. It’s a long story… another day hey??✌✌

On self reflection:

As women half the time we blame ourselves for failed relationships. We feel we bare the responsibility to make things right, to do better maybe even look better…well I dont blame us. It’s been so since the beginning and truth is women hold families together.  They are that glue that puts things into perspective and so mostly when things go side ways it’s in our nature to feel like we could have done better. Society says “bo mme ba tshwara thipa ka bohaleng… Mosadi o ngalla motsheyo…” all these says to me; “women are the glue that hold everything and everyone togeter” and so the Weight of it all has them sometimes been blamed for things they shouldn’t be….

For instance: if a man cheats, IT’S NOT on you. No. That i dont stand for… we start thinking maybe I should have worked harder on myself, looked better, sexier, maybe spent more time at the gym, lost weight, made him…. listen; he is a grown man with his brains right within his thick skull so you can’t carry his head for him and make him think otherwise; no.no.no. so, him snocking off anther girls face has nothing to do with you but HIM.

Self reflection doesn’t mean see yourself as an enemy or the cause , but says rather; see your part in it, as in actions and if you had a part to play, acknowledge that and be mature enough to accept that, even apologise for it… Yes. BLAME yourself for their actions? No. No. Never.

However, I am also not saying we have to tolerate pain, disrespect and rubbish behaviour… No. 🔘✖
Tell a person off✋🙅. Scream at them if you have to😭. Get it all off your system BUT while you at it; leave your self respect intact 👌and also; do to this person what they should have done to you; treat them well, with love💖 and respect cause doing what they did is basically sinking to their level of immaturity and insanity and you are much much bigger and better than all that….so, graduate.🎓👑💼 let’s kinds be😎

Now are you tranna show the world that you have no backbone, no personal philosophies non whatsoever; which you use to gorven your own life hence you just measure your self worth and actions by others’? 😴What do you believe and what do you stand for? You can’t fight fire🔥🔥 with fire no… have you seen fire fighters light up an already burning house? Noo!💯 They flash it with water💧💧 as they calm the flames and most importantly safe whomever they can reach in time⏰

Question to you is however: “how do you fight “the” fire in your own house?”🙇🙇

Learn to shine the light 🌞🌄in the dark places you find yourself in. Plant a rainbow🌈 in the rains☔.Do not surrender to the dark and be it. You are meant to be the light that lights it up… so be it💡💡.
When they already doubt you, why proof them right instead of proof you right about whom you are, what’s your love, what you stand for… the way i see it is, we the ones who hold the key that unlocks our private/personal lives making them public and for everyone. Rem: once you open that platform for them that says you can take the stage and air your views, and once you insult her/him you thefore tell US to do our very worst since I mean we never even claimed to love this girl so why bother to day to leave any stone unturned as we lush at her?? You open that door and i really am failing to see how you figure you can shut it all up again? How? People don’t forget. People don’t forget and it’s that momentary decision made within that second that can change our lives forever… let’s choose well. Let’s decide well.🔴

Mature emotionally so you can mature in romance, in relationships as well🌹🌹🌹
Note: you have a relationship with your family just as much…😘

Still me, your girl. I am only learning and in my learning, i do my best to share with you all my views as I see certain things… please lemme know of any critics ’cause that’s how I learn and grow. I can only hope we grow together.

Thank you so much😘💕💕

@Bonze-Bav  (seamie)

#love #relationship #maturity #breakups #personalgrowth #loving #responsibility #selflessness #family

 

Queens and First Ladies 👑: the power of choice👊

Hallo there you gorgeous women.

My Queens and First ladies😘
Did you know? You hold the power to choose. #thepowerofchoice

First of all, it’s been a while, a long while really since I did any of this… I haven’t written to you in yonks but hey; i am still here and still miss you all.😊

Sometimes life can play loosing tricks on you for so long that you end up thinking all you are is all lost or all you are is defined by your losses. You end up giving up on yourself and on God.
You find yourself allowing the world to have the final say about you, on your life, your future, your dreams, your vision,  about who you are and whom you can and cannot be.
Sometimes we let circumstances dictate to us and pain control us. We loose touch with self and and so we end up in a very dark place without any sense of direction nor the slightest idea who we are….

“Ok. Ok. Too many parables Bongiswa… ” you said…
Yes; I said, “we allow” these things to control us. Alright, I know this for a fact, we can’t know everything that’s to happen to us or in our lives or business or relationships or family or any area of our lives really. We cannot. However once it has happened, the rails then come to us. We get that power of choice. So, here is a situation in front of you, it hurts yes, but what are going to do about that pain and anger?

Are you going to allow it to define you or are you going to feel it, yes go through it, heal your heart and then learn from every step you took that lended you here where everything really hurts, so that you may come to see which steps need a by pass or a bigger push the next time you find yourself right back at it?
Or Are you going to allow yourself to be a victim of your past? A victim of your pain, your failures? Tge power of choice…
I don’t think if we all understood clearly the meaning of the word “victim” we would find ourselves called/ labeled as such nor would we condone any one calling us that…

Victim:

Have a closer look at the synonyms such as: easy prey/target, fair game, everybody’s fool, helpless,  sufferer, casualty….I mean, who would want or allow themselves to be called as such or to feel like that? I read something that said we have been given a choice upon our lives to an extent that we even choose how to feel abouti a situation. My understanding here is that we choose to be angry at words thrown in the air around us, merely because of our perception of them and so we ignore our perception of ourselves, whom we are and what defines us and who defines us. You see, instead we CHOOSE to listen and react in accordance to our preception or the world’s perception of them words thrown in the air or at us.

How many times have you been too angry and then at the end wonder;”what was that all about; really?” It’s because in that instant you lost sense and touch with who you are, your own values and philosophis enough to allow some one else’s to define you…. we choose how to feel or react towards situations and words, tge problem is we just have assigned that task to our subconscious for so long that we have relinquished our control over it. However once we get in touch with ourselves, it’s a working process but yes it is done;- we do get the correct trolley back to actually stand, wait, take that deep breath and think FIRST before saying anything or doing anything or responding to anything or…and in that act, we allow our conscious self to take over and speak or act accordingly and consciously. It is a choice.


You should be wondering why i call you “first ladies”👑Well in the real world, first ladies work hand in hand with either Presidents  they are their advisers, their voice of reason and for that, they do understand clearly what it means to hold someone’s life in their hands. They know very well that they cannot live and act selfishly any more for their decisions good or bad, will affect their people, the people who have entrusted their entire being, safety, peace, stability, economy, freedom…. all that fosters their lives, upon them. She has to be the voice of the nation so on error and over their mantra should be “mind over matter…”
They do have to understand the power of choice. The power of that final word. That final say. “Yes; launch that missile and aim it at…” the second they punch in that authorization code and they get a confirmation back, they know exactly what that means and so before hand, there has to be some preparations for the aftermath just as much as there was that moment of silence and thought before the launch in understanding fully what punching in that authorization code would mean. The casualties, the damage, both short term and long term; will this affect the land which land, water and ground and how will that affect productivity of the marine life and agriculture in general, for how long? Then what does that say to our market value, our people our education system and our reputation to the world entirely, our international relations… who are we after we launch this missile?  But still who are we if we don’t launch? Not short term only but long term in particular?

You see our lives are gorvened by time just as much. You may be angry today for not taking a certain job in a certain company only to be proud of yourself later for the same decision, once you come to see your true purpose or once something better, that you believed was coming has actually come. But yes; regardless of what your family or friends may have felt/thought about you and your decision then, you stood by your principles and believes and so made that decision either way…. when all that you and only you could see is indeed happening; they all look back and say “she knew it… we just were too blind to it”.

Short term planning and short cuts don’t pay up just as much. They are not the as rewarding and if we don’t stand firm and know who holds the final say in our lives we may find ourselves making decisions that will hurt us for the rest of our lives…just to please other people.  The power of choice. Yes they maybe angry today but I will be happy forever or I will live with no regrets… really; can you choose today over forever? Really? Tough lines; yes, but worth it….

Now; my beautiful #Queens, will you take that power of choice that’s within you and use it to run your life? Would take back any control that you feel you have lost by just choosing to, by choosing you first? Wait, they told you that’s been selfish haven’t they? Now tell you what, it’s OK to be selfish sometimes especially since ONLY you have can choose what that word means to you in that moment as they through it in the air. We conform and settle for things so unworthy of us just because we are scared or worried about other’s opinion over us; what about your opinion over yourself? It’s better to have an outside enemy than to have you as your own enemy. Self blame, hate, bushing… it’s the worst fight you could ever find yourself stuck in. So; be the Queen God intends you to be. Rule your planet, gorven your world and control your empire. Now; “do you launch or NOT?” Make that choice…. choose you❤

#the_power_of_choice #Queens #firstladies #chooseyou

Always:Seamie2106❤